Fatherhood: What’s the big deal?
All around us people are asking and saying should I even have children? How many should I have? If I have more than one my life is over? But they take up so much of my time. Why would I want to change diapers every day? And the biggest of them all, we accidently got pregnant should we keep it?
For you men out there "What the heck are you thinking?" Why are you leaving the woman to pick up your slack? Why are you failing at your responsibilities? In this nation we have become so self absorbed to even realize what life means and we never look back on how we were raised and the type of people that raised us. Now grant it not all of us come from humble backgrounds. There are many walks of life that we choose to take and yes I mean to say choose because we choose who we are and what we can become. Just because you grew up in the ghetto, a homeless shelter, orphanage or a domestically violent home does not mean that you have to stay in those circumstances. You always have the choice to move your life in a direction that will provide you with a brighter future.
Now this article is about fatherhood and taking upon yourselves the responsibilities that you will need to become a father. It will not be easy I promise you that. Especially if you are also facing other addictions. I’m not just talking about drugs and alcohol. I’m also talking about life addictions such as workaholic‘s, people addicted to making everyone liking them, gaming addictions, pornography and other addictions such as this. All these addictions are reasons why men are so scared to be Father’s and why you are failing at your responsibilities. You are afraid that you will have to give up your precious time and actually think of someone else besides yourself. This scares the crap out of you. It should, you have never faced this type of responsibility before, all your life you have been told that “you should do things for yourself, you should buy this car or that computer or this cell phone, these things will make you happy, "I promise". Now let me ask you this and only you will know the answer to this question and no you will never be able to lie to yourself. You can lie to all of us, to your friends and family but never to yourself. The question is simple. ARE YOU HAPPY?
“Are you happy?” a very simple question that only needs a very simple answer it’s either yes or no. Now I bet that most of you that have decided not to have children have answered in your hearts no I’m not happy. Now of course this cannot be confirmed because you are set in your ways and have decided that fatherhood is just not for you. This also applies to those father’s who have children but spend so much time apart from them that they do not even know who they are. Now this does not imply to those men that are serving in the armed forces, a lot of times your duty calls for you to be apart from them and sometimes you have no choice. But what are you doing with them when you get home? Do you just sit around all day watching TV or do you get outside and enjoy the nice fresh air and teach that little child a thing or two on what it means to have a dad and who their father truly is.
But enough about those that have already chosen to become father's, let’s continue on to those that have chosen not to have children and have chosen not to have families. In the next few paragraph’s I will show you where true happiness comes from. Actually I won’t show you but my little girl will. This is a story that my wife posted on our family blog about a little shopping trip they had.
Just The Other Day
“Why is it as you get older the days go by so much faster? I so wish it would slow down just a little...life is so amazing!
Just the other day Lillie, Devin and I were leaving the store and I was trying to get Lillie to hurry and she kept pulling so hard on me...(they both had just had their shots and were both really irritated, but I had to grab the essential wipes and diapers) I looked down at her ready to tell her we needed to leave now, and she stopped and said "flowers mom!" pointing to a bush right beside us and there were tiny purple flowers growing inside. At that moment I stopped and realized “Why was I in such a hurry?”
Lillie taught me to see the small beauties in the world that we rarely take the chance to even notice. So we stopped and picked a little flower for her, she smelled it and smiled up at me. And my heart seemed to grow as I realized what she just taught me.
Life goes by so quick, look and listen to all that's around you and not just rush through it trying to get to the next thing so the "to do" list is smaller. That list will always be there, and it will be ok if we don't finish everything on it today. The real important thing is to recognize those moments right in front of us, and put them in our hearts.”-Katie Baker
This is where true happiness comes from. Our little children hold the keys to the greatest treasure that the world has ever known or will ever know. Some may say Oh she was just being a kid. But if we would stop and listen to our children we would find this simple act of stopping to smell a few small flowers, that no one else even notices but a small child, we as a nation would be much happier and more willing to help each other with open minds and open hearts. She’s only two years old, yet she grasps the meaning of life like no adult could. She doesn’t care what you or I think about others or about ourselves. All she cares about are the simple things in life and those so called simple pleasures in life are the greatest treasure you or I could ever receive while we are alive.
This is just one example of what children can bring you in your life. Grant it you do have to look for it, but man o man it is worth it when you see those big blue eyes light up and that sweet little smile you get to see every time you come home and those tiny little arms wrap around your neck and you never want to let go. Here lies that happiness you are so desperately seeking in this world. You will never find it under that stack of paperwork that you need to get done in order to get that promotion or to gain more money. You will never find it in that video game that you have been playing for hours or behind that computer screen that you have been hopelessly staring at wishing that someone would pop out and be your friend. No where in this world will you be able to find the happiness that you seek other than the arms of a child and the mother that raises them. For a father cannot be a true father without the mother by his side, not in front of or behind her, but by her side helping her with the children, even though that stack of paperwork keeps piling up. For what’s more important, that promotion, or those little moments you get to witness as your children teach you the meaning of who you are and why we are here.
–Daniel Baker
Very well written Daniel. Thanks for such a great article and your awesome perspective. Lisa (Madsen - now Evans) gave me the link and I'm going to share it with more people.
ReplyDelete